I quote the word behavior because I think it comes with a negative connotation. When I refer to behavior, I’m referring to observable actions/reactions, negative and positive. Realizing and practicing the realization that our actions/reactions, “behaviors” have direct influences on the people around us is the focus of this blog.
When I start my day with the gym at 5:00 am, by the time I get to work I feel like I have just come from the spa. What a way to start the day. I go to gym = feeling relaxed and happy, my coworkers feel relaxed and happy to see me = I feel relaxed and happy to be with them at work. The same goes for home. I observe happier, more relaxed kids and husband AND I feel happier, more patient, relaxed as a wife and mother.
I realized the other day that I teach this to the kids in my social skills program at work. It’s called Behavior Mapping , it’s used to teach individuals about the specific relationship between behaviors, others’ perspectives, others’ actions (consequences) and the student’s own emotions about those around him or her.
I took it a step further and used this with my twin toddlers at home. Could they do it? Are they too young? Well, they give me plenty of opportunities to answer these questions. The results are POSITIVE, more than I could have imagined. Not only do I get to observe them “think it out”, which is amazing unto itself but they are developing self awareness and accountability.
The above link offers a great visual to follow but I recommend “talking it out”. It goes a little something like this:
The scenario… two kids, one toy. The dialogue: “Think about how John feels if you do not share the toy”, “John will feel sad”, “How does that make Julian feel?”, “That makes Julian feel sad”. THEN, you flip the coin, “How would it make John feel if you shared the toy?”, “It would make John feel happy”, “How would that make Julian feel?”, “It would make Julian feel happy”.
It really is that simple and it works with 2-year-olds. Another great resource for examining your own parenting style is a book called, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. I personally found this book ( which was given as a gift from my dear dad) very helpful when I’m confronted with handling the daily conflicts between twin toddlers.
Whether you’re looking to improve a relationship within yourself or with your family or both, I recommend doing and/or teaching a little self reflection with behavior mapping.
Getting Your Kids to Eat New Foods.
This feeding tip actually applies to everyone, even if you’re a picky eater yourself. If at first, your kids do not eat it, try try again. 10 times on 10 different occasions to be precise. There is research out there by Lisa Birch who discovered that the brain takes 10 times on different occasions to decide a preference.
I have to remind myself of this with my own boys. We try to expose them to as many different foods as possible and every now and then there is a particular new food they just refuse to eat. Cooking with egg roll wrappers are the target right now. Chris made vegetable spring rolls about a week ago and they were delicious. The boys played and examined them but did not even try them. This week we made ground chicken with vegetable dumplings, delicious. Second week and the boys took a bite, and ate them!
So when your child doesn’t eat something new RESIST the fighting urge to tell them, “Just try it”. Instead, reassure them that they DO NOT have to eat it. Remember to encourage the small steps it takes to eating, if they touched it, reinforce by saying, “good pushing it off your plate”, “you’re so brave to touch something new”. Talk about it, “what does it look like to you?” and attempt to make it fun and new. If you do, the next time you reintroduce the food, your child may take another step towards eating it. Refer to the steps of eating that should be on your fridge or kitchen wall for constant reference and reassurance. Use the steps as your guide and you will watch as your child advances a step closer every time you reintroduce a new food.
Be flexible and other Social Dynamics
“Be flexible” this is something I think and say everyday. Whether it’s in the gym in reference to my muscles or anywhere else in reference to “thinking”; being flexible is an often overlooked, under examined skill.
There are obvious components in my life that prove that I was meant to have twins. One of those is being a pediatric speech therapist. Social skills (pragmatics) are a functional component of communication skills. They enable you to think about other’s perspectives, choose which language style to use, body language, etc. Teaching children to learn social skills is a fun and challenging part of my job. There is a curriculum I’ve used over the past few years to address social skills called Social Thinking by Michelle Garcia Winner it’s a great program and I’ve seen it work. It also prepared me for twins. Twins need to learn how to share immediately, they need to learn how to wait their turn immediately. They learn from the very beginning that there are other people in the world. I use vocabulary from the social thinking program at home, it’s embedded in my lexicon. The boys hear me say things like, “Think about your brother”, “How does that make your brother feel?”, “Way to be flexible!”, “Good flexible thinking!”, “Let’s get our bodies calm, so we can think”, etc.
My boys are identical twins but they are complete opposites. Except of course when they always want whatever the other one has, it’s constant social training in our household. Here’s an example of all our hard work, cooperative play at 27 months.
The “roaring” you hear in the background are our neighbors kids pretending to be dinosaurs. I couldn’t have been more proud and am so happy I caught it on video!
Speech Jump Start
We’d like our kids to have every advantage. Communicating with your baby is a beautiful thing. From learning their different cries to hearing or seeing their first words. Here are 5 things that we felt helped our boys develop the impressive speech and language they have at 2 years old.
Speech develops differently for every child, knowing that as a speech therapist I did everything with my boys I recommend to the parents and children I provide treatment for, with some exceptions (we used pacifiers for 2 years, I let the parents go on this one now). The more they are able to communicate, the less they cry. There is motivation right there, less crying.
READ, READ, READ as soon as their born, literally. I was talking to a developmental expert yesterday and she said that she recommends reading a familiar children’s book during pregnancy. She explained that if you routinely read the same few books during pregnancy, reading them to your baby after their born will help calm them down when they’re crying. Babies develop their earbuds at 18 weeks gestation. This makes sense, there is research out there that looked at the rate of infants sucking on pacifiers when listening to a different language and voices. http://faculty.washington.edu/losterho/Eimas.pdf They are definitely listening and learning. Pretty cool stuff.
Breastfeed if possible. Breastfeeding contributes to proper oral motor development required for speech production. This is why, look at all the oral motor components required for a proper latch during breastfeeding:
Baby’s jaw extends over milk ducts
Tongue raises against soft palate
Muscles involved include- suprahyoid,
infrahyoid, mylohyoid, geniohyoid,
masseter, medial and lateral pterygoid,
and temporalis and temporalis.
Tongue elevates lateral borders to form a
trough to direct milk to be swallowed.
There are some great articles found on http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/speech-development/
Use sign language to start. This is huge, my husband and I report that signing decreased crying by 20%. We used the Sign with your Baby DVD by Dr. Joseph Garcia. http://www.amazon.com/Sign-your-Baby-Joseph-Garcia/dp/1932354026
The best signs to start with are milk, more, and help. We started at 8 months and the boys started using milk at 10 months. They started saying their first words, “dada”, “mama” around the same time.
I’m always surprised when I hear about people being afraid that using sign language will either keep them from talking. Providing them with a mode of communication at an age that they are cognitively able but anatomically not ready starts pruning the neural pathways used for language development. The earlier you start, the more your child develops in the area of language and communication.
Skip the sippy cup and babyfood.
You can start to introduce solids as early as 6 months or when your baby can sit up independently. We used a combination of homemade purees and solids. I felt that they were hungry enough to “eat” the solid food but not able to mechanically handle it early on. I would give them both. For example, if we were having broccoli, I would give them the solid and along with the solid, I would give them a puree form of the broccoli. Introducing solids not only does wonderful things for eating but for oral motor development, which in turn promotes speech development. I highly recommend the book-Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods – and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater
I never found a sippy cup that we liked, so we went straight from the bottle to the straw. This happened at 12 months. To introduce the straw for the first time, present it held by your finger. This way you can control the amount, get a little at the end of the straw and hold it in with your finger tip on top. Present it at an upright angle to let gravity work it’s magic and release your finger when your little one seals their lips around the straw. You may have to do this a few times before you feel them suck with the tip of your finger. Once you feel them suck, place the straw in a cup and watch it happen. They do have to learn how to control the flow at first and may cough, remember not to panic. Coughing is a protective mechanism to keep them from choking. It’s a good thing. Straws unlike sippy cup spouts and nipples require more oral motor control including tongue retraction and lip control. This all impacts speech production.
Minimize screen time
I’m not saying to totally take it away. We’ve all heard the warnings. I’m just saying, challenge yourself to have screen free days, it’s easier than you think. If you do need to, be involved, asked them questions as you watch to keep them active rather than passive watchers. Limiting screen is great and you’ll have amazing conversation with your toddlers if you do.
Have a Picky Eater? Here are 5 Things You Can Do to Help.
As a mom of twins and a pediatric speech-language pathologist who specializes in feeding with over ten years experience, I’m overly aware as a professional, friend and parent of the common issue with getting our kids to eat. Whether they’re a picky eater or a problem feeder, the principles of feeding are the same. Here are five things I would like to share to help your picky eater:
DIY Crackers |
1. If you want your child to eat it, you have to eat it first. Many times, picky eaters have parents who are picky eaters. Eating is a learned behavior after six months.They watch and learn so go ahead and chew with your mouth open mom and dad, worry about table manners much later. This also leads to avoiding “kids meals.” Parents do this all the time; they make one thing for mom and dad and something entirely different for the kids because they know they will eat it. The message your sending to the kids is that they are not going to like what you’re having. Serve family style or mini replicas of what you are eating. I recommend the book Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods and Helping Your Baby Grow Up Happy by Tracey Murkett and Gill Rapley.
2. Sounds counter-intuitive, but convince them that they are not expected to eat it. The only control your child has over eating is by refusing to eat it. They typically don’t get to plan their meals, at least in the beginning, or get to choose how to prepare their food. Refusing to eat something is the only way they have some control. Having control makes our kids feel safe. Feeling safe is their priority, not eating. When you say, “You don’t have to eat it,” it lowers the anxiety for both parties. When stress is present, appetite is not.
3. Be Patient and stay POSITIVE. It took one of my boys 3 weeks to eat eggs and I watched him go through the STEPS of eating. To do this, know the STEPS of eating. Print it out, put it on fridge, learn it and live it. This is how kids typically learn how to eat and it was developed by Dr.Kay Toomey. She created the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) feeding therapy protocol. Staying POSITIVE includes your reaction to gagging and coughing. This is hard, it’s natural to freak out when your child looks like their about to throw up or choke. Remember gagging and coughing are our bodies defense mechanisms to keep us from choking. When we freak out, we confirm their fear and they may attach that to the food and will never try it again. When we stay calm and cheer them on, they feel secure and are willing to try that food again.
4. Do No Force Feed or try to “trick” them to eat something. This will only cause them to not trust you, which leads to increased aversion. Remember you are their model, if they are not eating it, model something easier like licking or squishing it. Refer to the STEPS.
5. Get MESSY.
My advice is to get a dog if you don’t already have one, they help keep the floor clean. Kids love to pour and throw, smoosh, crumble, tear, mix and wear. Let your kids experiment every once in awhile. This helps with the STEPS. It also is a great way for your child to develop a positive relationship with food.