Managing “Behavior”

I quote the word behavior because I think it comes with a negative connotation. When I refer to behavior, I’m referring to observable actions/reactions, negative and positive. Realizing and practicing the realization that our actions/reactions, “behaviors” have direct influences on the people around us is the focus of this blog.

When I start my day with the gym at 5:00 am, by the time I get to work I feel like I have just come from the spa. What a way to start the day. I go to gym = feeling relaxed and happy, my coworkers feel relaxed and happy to see me = I feel relaxed and happy to be with them at work. The same goes for home. I observe happier, more relaxed kids and husband AND I feel happier, more patient, relaxed as a wife and mother.

I realized the other day that I teach this to the kids in my social skills program at work. It’s called Behavior Mapping , it’s used to teach individuals about the specific relationship between behaviors, others’ perspectives, others’ actions (consequences) and the student’s own emotions about those around him or her. 

I took it a step further and used this with my twin toddlers at home. Could they do it? Are they too young? Well, they give me plenty of opportunities to answer these questions. The results are POSITIVE, more than I could have imagined. Not only do I get to observe them “think it out”, which is amazing unto itself but they are developing self awareness and accountability.

The above link offers a great visual to follow but I recommend “talking it out”. It goes a little something like this: 
The scenario… two kids, one toy. The dialogue: “Think about how John feels if you do not share the toy”, “John will feel sad”, “How does that make Julian feel?”, “That makes Julian feel sad”. THEN, you flip the coin, “How would it make John feel if you shared the toy?”, “It would make John feel happy”, “How would that make Julian feel?”, “It would make Julian feel happy”.

It really is that simple and it works with 2-year-olds. Another great resource for examining your own parenting style is a book called, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. I personally found this book ( which was given as a gift from my dear dad) very helpful when I’m confronted with handling the daily conflicts between twin toddlers.

Whether you’re looking to improve a relationship within yourself or with your family or both, I recommend doing and/or teaching a little self reflection with behavior mapping.